It’s Thursday afternoon, 95° and 90% humidity on the South Coast of Massachusetts and I am sitting in my office writing about sitting in my office, instead of conducting a new training program for the International Design Center in Shanghai, China. I cancelled that trip this week; a decision that took some doing and quite a bit of coaching.
What happened? I worked and didn’t get paid for the work I did and rather than digging a deeper hole and continuing to do more work and not get paid, I said No. Rather than lambast the perpetrator, which would not really make me feel better and would certainly not teach me anything, I looked at how I contributed to where I ended up. And I especially looked for where I didn’t practice what I preached.
- I believed what I wanted to believe rather than the facts. As Maya Angelou said “Believe who people show themselves to be…the first time”. I filled in the blanks instead.
- I didn’t stop at the first sign of agreements not being honored. I thought conversations and verbal commitments from the other person meant something; they don’t. Only the actions that follow those agreements matter.
- I got caught up in my own fears of not having the work or the money, and took my focus off what was right before my eyes.
- I believed someone else’s reality instead of my own. I didn’t have clear limits as to how I allowed others to treat me, and so I gave my power away.
- I didn’t trust my intuition and myself.
Last Friday I delivered the eulogy for my godmother, Therese Gonsalves. She was an amazing woman and we were close from the first moments of my life. She was a force to be reckoned with…and her clarity about who she was and her intrinsic value were never questioned by her or anyone else. Her example was my model to stand up and say “That doesn’t work for me” and to trust that with my actions and intention, the Universe and Creator would deliver more than any shortfall I created.